August 16, 2008

• Back from Germany; some thoughts

  I’m back from a wonderful 3 weeks in Germany and Italy with my brother and his family.  This year I went alone and timed it with their vacation from school and work — we drove down to Italy and spent a week in a rented house with  a pool — had  wonderful, relaxing week there.  One day we drove about 30 minutes to the city of Pisa, where the famous Leaning Tower is.  Another day we drove to the city of Lucca, the birthplace (150 years ago) of the opera composer Puccini.  More on the vacation later.

  As some of you know, I have been praying for God to do a miracle and bring me someone I could partner with in a marriage and service to the Lord.  It’s been an interesting 3 years since I first prayed that.  I joined eHarmony and have read profiles of hundreds of people and have even met and dated some.  This is just background for what I’m about to say.

  You know how Jesus said it’s very difficult for a rich man to enter the kingdom?  It’s not the money, it’s the person’s “confidence” in the money and lack of dependence on God, that makes it harder for such a person to live by faith.  I’m coming to the conclusion that it is the same for an “intelligent” or well-educated person.

  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not downing education or intelligence.  I have a master’s degree, I’m intelligent and well-educated and have a head full of trivia and facts!  And one man I dated is very impressed by that, and tells me i should be very proud of myself for having gotten my master’s at age 53 and becoming a teacher at age 51, etc.  And in a sense, yes I am proud of it because I worked very hard to get it, but more importantly, I thank God for the opportunity and that HE worked it out so I could do it and change occupations.

  But my answer to his statements is that like Paul said, all of that is nothing compared to the truth of God, to my being one of His children, or what I can and should DO with my education.  The diplomas I have plus about 4 dollars will get me a nice cup of mocha cappuccino from Starbuck’s.

  The people I have met that are very intelligent and Mensa material, etc., seem to have one thing in common and it grieves me.   They seem very independent and not “needy for God”.  They think that the intelligence God gave them (and yes it’s correct they give credit for THAT where it’s due) will help them solve their problems and figure out what to do next in their lives.

  A few of them seem to not see any weaknesses in themselves… and so they don’t depend on God like they should.  One time Xangpastor wrote a blog about this fine line we must walk, to “work out our salvation” and yet depend on God completely.  We’re supposed to use the talents God gave us and not bury them, but at the same time we are not to lean on our own understanding.

  So I’m frustrated and grieved that yes it’s a pleasure to be with someone intelligent, but they’re way too “independent”– when the Lord brings me this partner, he needs to be even smarter than I am…but I want it to be someone who in spite of his intelligence, sees his need for God to help him every day.  One day i was thinking about one of these people I’ve known and started crying — because unless this person sees his absolute need to depend on God, the Lord can’t use him (maybe I’m wrong about that one).  Another more recent acquaintance is searching for the perfect doctrinal explanations for things… he came out of a cult and accepts mainstream Christianity except for a couple of things… Maybe I’m wrong and upset for nothing…  So many of them are searching for the partner that is the “optimum choice for him”… using a checklist of qualities they’re looking for….

  I think of what Paul wrote about all his accomplishments in the flesh being worthless to him compared to his need for Christ, and actually viewing them as needing to be discarded so he could move on toward Christ.  Paul was an amazingly intelligent man, highly educated, as “perfect” as anybody could be in human terms, and yet even he said he struggled, doing things he didn’t want to and failing to do what he should do, and that without Christ and the Holy Spirit, nothing was going to work.

  I’m intelligent but I am SUCH a ditz!!!  I need God to help me with many things, especially decisions for my life… there are so many struggles…

  So again I feel like i’m from another planet and wonder if there is anybody on this one that thinks like I do and would be an available, willing partner….  one more reason to need an absolute miraculous, “arranged marriage”…

  Will write about Germany & Italy later…  just had to get this off my chest…

  Love to all,
  Gerrie
  

  • 2:46 pm
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